Winners versus losers, how do you see yourself?

Winners versus losers, how do you see yourself?

Martial arts and dealing with the fear of losing

Many people often worry about losing, falling down, embarrassment, losing face, being considered weak.

 Have you ever thought that losing could be more gratifying than winning? You don’t agree? I understand, it’s pretty hard to imagine let alone understand. But take faith you can trust me.

Here’s an article that helps you understand the importance of why we need to embrace our failures.

Overcoming the fear of losing.

The fear of losing, man I remember the times that even the mere thought of losing in any shape or form would basically make my world crumble. It’s not a nice way to live and I can assure you that it’s not healthy for the mind or for the soul.

Especially if you’re living in a highly competitive world where it seems that the public only look at the so called ‘winners’. I mean, do you realize that many of us we were brainwashed with this mentality from childhood? I know, I know you’re probably thinking that being a winner is the only way to get ahead in life! Not so! Believe me that as gratifying it can seem it can also be very dangerous. So read on.

Now let’s take a look at the upside and downside to winning and losing, for example you could be a local tennis player, and you’ve won all the major tournaments in your neighborhood. You’ve got an A track record, 120 matches and never lost a title. Admirable right? Everybody admires you? Winning feels great doesn’t it? I mean look at all the fringe benefits, a local hero is forever remembered, people smile at you on the street, the local butcher gives you a better discount, and your mechanic gives you a better deal than what he does with other clients. Dating, it’s a game! Being a winner honestly is one of the best feelings that anyone could ever imagine, and believe it or not, many a time you take this feeling wherever you go and in other areas of your personal life. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not against winning and I’m not as some people put it trying to justify my failures with gratifying philosophy. I’ll explain better, there is nothing wrong with being a winner, it also gives you a sense of power and security, remember that winning is only one side of the coin.

Now the problem is (that is if you see it as a problem) that your attitude as a winner extends on many levels, in school, study, university, college, work environment, other sporting associations you name it, the list goes on and on. Did you know that many people believe that the measure of their success extends to being better than those that surround your chosen vocation? Umm, maybe you don’t get my meaning but the term success or being a winner can end up being a very dangerous game. Look at certain sports.

I’m sure you read the newspapers or hear it on the TV news what substances are lurking around in the black market to produce and enhance peak performance levels in order to obtain maximum results. I mean there are people literally killing themselves in order to be the best. Failure is not an option.

Look at the world of glamour and beauty. To be the best model or beauty queen, look at what people do to themselves to have whatever it takes to succeed. Did you know that some high profile celebrities take their own life when they discover they can no longer be as successful as they once were nor can they have the same look they once had several years before. It all sounds crazy but it reflects a lot of situations that plays part of our society today. Sad isn’t it?

Have a look at what happens to our youth when they have to pass certain exams, important ones. The high pressure they live because maybe (maybe) they live with high pressure and expectations from family members and peer group pressure. Some students cheat to ensure they don’t fail. Even here there are cases whereby some young people suicide because of failure.

Martial arts and how does it relate to this subject?

Well I have this habit of using myself as a subject matter. I feel it’s only fair. I don’t see why I should go bad mouthing or criticizing other people when I can literally kick my own ass publicly. I could write five novels as thick as Lord of the Rings on all my failings.

Well up until a few years ago, and being an avid martial artist, I had a fairly crazy attitude towards the lifestyle I was living. I was (and still am to some extent) heavily involved with my martial arts, and the way I prepared myself physically. For me it was really important to be the top practitioner of the style I taught, and for me it meant that by being the best physically, technically, and even on a fighting level I would train with what I considered to be the most intensity, and the most hours I could manage to obtain the best results. I had this crazy obsession about wanting to be the best local street fighter and I was convinced that if I was considered the best then I would have a huge following at my martial arts school. This desire had affected my social life, and work life as I was a bouncer. So if you’re known as a hard hitter in the security sector it was always a psychological advantage.

Nowadays, when I look back I can only thank the people who really cared for me and who helped me view my arrogance and my self destructive nature. To be supposingly the best, you know what it meant? I could never lose, I could never be second, I would never accept defeat and if anybody ever tried to test me out, well then, he would have more than what he bargained for. Being the best meant that I would do whatever it took to always win. I can tell you that I had hurt a lot of people emotionally and physically and I was not a nice person to hang around with. I can also tell you that after years of living this way, I realized that I was not even being myself, that I in fact was living up to the image other people had conceived. So not only was I unpopular, boy I also lived with a very high level of aggression. I will add that in some ways I’m amazed I still have certain students who put up with me in the past and to this day are part of my school and very dear friends.

I remember my inspiration of developing this Mr. Invincible attitude came from two sources, one because as a lad I was terribly insecure of myself and two, I took as an ideal from  a certain martial artist who was known to be a formidable street fighter and that had won several hundred street confrontations without EVER LOSING. Man it seemed like this guy had everything, he had plenty of students, made a lot of cash, had beautiful women, great cars, and enjoyed the luxury of being on TV films, and mixed it with some movie stars. Now, I am not in any way criticizing his choice of lifestyle. But I am always referring and  looking at myself.

Never losing never losing and never losing, man it sounds great but is it? Tell me something, do you really learn when you only win? Think about it. Now look at something else, when you only win in life what happens to you when you lose? Honestly, what happens? Did you know that there are people out there that suicide not knowing how to deal with failure? Do you think it’s only about winning? I mean what does winning really mean any way?

There is an old warrior’s code that talks about losing. It goes something like this…

‘The true warrior knows how to fall down seven times, but I assure you he will always get up on the eighth’

You know people need to stop fearing failing or losing, the most important thing is to always keep trying, to accept that falling and losing is part of the cycle that you need to learn from your mistakes. It is imperative you learn that your failings are like a treasure map to lead you onto the right path.

Failing and falling are the same as winning, they both have rewards to offer, to be complete in life it is fundamental you understand the importance of losing and all it has to teach you. If you don’t fail then how will you ever learn? In any venture you plan out in your life (I don’t know, maybe starting up a business) you should put into the equation that you’re going to stumble, you’re going to fall, and I mean its all part and parcel of life. You can’t put all your thoughts into one track without being somewhat flexible and learning to have the ability to look at all alternatives.

There was a period where I was having a lot of success and I remember one of my teachers saying to me ‘wow I noticed in your work environment (security) that everyone is friendly with you, they seem to respect you’. I agreed with him and I’ll add that I was very proud of this fact. He said ‘yep, very nice people but it’s a shame that none of these that I have seen are your friends’ I was shocked and I assured him that they were always friendly with me and we had a mutual respect for each other. He then proceeded telling me things I did not like, he said that they only respected my talents but not me as a person, they feared me and not respected me, so he assured me that I was very much alone.

Not a nice thing to say to someone who had worked hard to train himself physically, to be successful and to try be the best at what he does. I guess at the time I was missing the point, I never realized that my path of success had turned me into an apparent public figure of violence. In order to succeed this is what it cost me. People sometimes are so obsessed with their ambitions that they don’t even realize the trail of disaster they leave behind.

Ok now don’t get me wrong, I’m talking about me, I’m not saying that EVERYONE acts this way. So I guess one option is that if you are going to take a road I would advise to be well guided, have a person to help you to understand how to control your path and to seriously look at your progress, and when I say progress I don’t mean just how much success or money your making, but the after effects and how you interact with people around you. there are highly successful people out their who have not allowed their winnings to go to their head. They still remain humble and down to earth every day people.

You know life is always going to deliver some heavy blows and you’re not always going to be prepared to handle it as you would like. As much as suffering is apparently a negative feeling and gives you the sense of loss, a feeling I know most of us would like to avoid there are however, certain cultures that embrace it, and furthermore find it necessary to their growth.

As much as we all love to win and all the fringe benefits that go with it there are certain cultures that feel it is bad and harmful to nourish the ego with a one minded philosophy.

So in conclusion, my advice to you is, take it easy on yourself. Whenever you are planning anything you want to be successful with then learn to fall my friend, take joy in your failures, and learn from them. There is always something to learn from your failures and they make you stronger as a person. If you fall get up, if you fall again get up again, just never give up!

I would rather learn from a successful business man who has failed in other  business attempts, rather than from a man who doesn’t know what failure means.

It’s your right not to agree with what I am saying but I feel it’s important not to build a mindset around a mentality that doesn’t prepare you for the hardships in life Your mistakes could be used to guide someone else you care for making better choices in his or her life. Believe me it’s not as drastic as it sounds. When you start looking at failures as a success then you are well on your way to being always a winner.

Hey take it from me, I’ve lost count on how many times I‘ve fell down in life

for more information feel free to visit us on our website http://www.wingtchundo.com/

Notes about the Author
Paolo has been practicing various forms of Kung Fu since he was eight years old. He has created his personal system of combat called WingTchunDo and has many videos demonstrating on YouTube under the alias of fighterman
He is contactable via email on wingtchundo@hotmail.com, but cannot always guarantee an answer.